It started about a week ago.
Everything in the kitchen smelled weird. I couldn’t figure out where the smell was coming from, even though I spent a significant amount of time sniffing things. Nathan shrugged noncommittally whenever I mentioned it.
Three days ago I was eating ice cream. It tasted horrible. It tasted like the kind of dog food that comes in a can. Let’s not get into how I know what that tastes like.
A contaminated spoon sent me racing to the silverware drawer. It all smelled like dog food. Nathan couldn’t smell it. (I forced him to sniff my spoon)
Then, yesterday, I woke up at 545 a.m., for work. Nathan had slipped out an hour earlier to drive north for a golf tournament. The kitchen smelled like a dumpster. I sent the following email:
Our entire Goddamned house smells like dog food and sausage. This is disgusting.
Tonight, everything that smells like dog food is being washed, boiled, or thrown away.
I’m gagging in the kitchen. I can’t believe you can’t smell it.
I think our silverware is contaminated.
After work, I returned to an empty house. I boiled the silverware. I sniffed compost buckets, drains, sink metal, dishes, sponges, towels. Nothing. Then, I discovered a four month old bag of garlic, tucked three drawers below the silverware. I felt ecstatically nauseated.
I opened the front door and started chucking garlic cloves as far from the house as I could.
I think the lesson here is pretty obvious:
Never buy a ten pound bag of garlic from Costco. You’ll never use it all, no matter how much you like garlic.
And on a totally separate note: I’m doing a book giveaway through Goodreads! If you’d like a free copy of my book, ‘Backpack Like You Mean It’, click the link on the side bar for a chance to win. If you’re impatient, and want to read it without having to wait until August 15th, when the contest ends, you can also find it on Kindle and Nook, or buy the soft cover through my business page: http://maddashpublishing.com/Books.html