Well folks, I have a real treat for you this morning. A treat for me too. Last night, I received an email from one of my readers. We’ll call him Doug. Doug asked for my help in solving a sock mystery of his own. He wrote:
when I was leaving work and walking to my car, I noticed something very surprising and amazingly coincidental (see picture below.) It’s a terrible picture, not unlike a grainy picture of bigfoot. But what it is, is not the mystery. The mystery is how it got there. It is a lone blue argyle sock. Pretty much the argyle sock of divine providence because I have no idea how it got there. I was not transporting clothing in my car and I have no recollection of taking my socks off while driving. I also have no recollection of it being there before today. The sock does belong to me and it has clearly been worn. Other than that, I can’t think of any other facts about the case. I can certainly imagine how a sock might go unnoticed in the recesses of my car for months (possibly years.) But to be so prominently seen in my rear window seems uncanny. I feel like I have exhausted any logical explanation of how it got there. Do what you will with this information.
First, I would like to say thank you to Doug, for trusting Nathan and I with this mystery. This morning, we woke early to solve it. We decided to begin where the sock began. In Doug’s sock drawer. Next, the sock moved to Doug’s foot. Theories 1 & 2 (seen below) assume that the sock was removed willing from the foot, and then transported, either by divine grace, or inanimate intelligence to the vehicle. I don’t give these theories much credence.
Theory 3 assumes that Doug’s car is capable of extreme acceleration, which I think we can all agree, is not realistic, given the photograph provided.
Theory 4 is therefore the only theory, at this point, that I am willing to investigate further.
I will list our theories in order of ascending likelihood :
1. Divine Providence. I find it very doubtful that God would try to prove anything with a dirty argyle sock. No one can know His ways, but I think I’m justified in putting this theory at the bottom of the list.
2. Intelligent Sock. Nathan pointed out that the argyle is not like other socks. In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that I had figured out where socks go when they disappear. I still can’t tell you, but what I can tell you, is that I never found any argyle socks hiding with the others. Argyle are the smartest of the socks. They don’t hang out with jock socks when they disappear. This leads me to believe that argyles might actually leave the house when they take off for a few months.
3. Acceleration. Doug accelerated so fast that he knocked one of his own socks off.
4. Passenger Irritation. Doug’s girlfriend, we’ll call her Bernice, found the dirty sock while rooting around for something behind her seat. No one likes to accidentally stumble upon someone else’s dirty sock. She threw the sock with all of her might, lodging it in the back corner of the rear window.
The missing link in theory 4 is how the argyle sock got from Doug’s foot to Bernice’s irritated fingers. When you read what I’m about to write, you might think to yourself, “No way. This would never happen.” But, you would be wrong. I have SEEN it happen. I think that while Doug or Bernice (probably Doug) was getting dressed one morning, the dirty argyle sock was either statically clinging to his back, or tucked into his belt. He didn’t notice it. When he walked to his car, the sock hung limp, just out of his view. When he left his vehicle, the sock was released from its position on his back, and fell to the floor, where it waited, for an indeterminate period of time.
I’m not kidding. I know someone who has experienced something just like this. His name is Nathan. Several years ago Nathan showed up to an 8 o’clock meeting at work with a tube sock hanging from the back of his belt like a tail. It happens.
As for why the sock was not seen until yesterday morning, well, we believe it is a case of expanded awareness. Doug read the singleton sock post, and then became aware of all the singletons lurking around him. This said, it is within the realm of possibility that Doug’s awareness is always expanded, and that he noticed the sock yesterday because yesterday was the first day that it was there.
Doug puts on sock. Doug takes sock off. Sock sticks to Doug. Doug goes to car. Sock lets go of Doug. Bernice finds sock. Bernice grossed out by sock. Bernice throws sock to back window. Doug confounded by sock. Mystery solved.
I would like to remind readers that I am always available to solve your mysteries. Please feel free to email me anonymously at firstname.lastname@example.org