Spam Is A State Of Mind


WordPress has a handy spam filter.  It somehow knows when comments are from real people, and when they’re from websites, or scammers.  I don’t know how it does this, but I appreciate it.  Today, however, I’m going to delve into my spam folder and pull out a comment in the spirit of “There are no stupid questions.”

Several weeks ago, I received a comment from a bed wetting website in regards to my post about leaf blowers.  I didn’t see the connection, and apparently, neither did WordPress.

“What problems (if any) do former bedwetters have as adults, as a result of their bedwetting as children?”

I will not name this website for several reasons.

1. I don’t want to give free advertisement to an internet parasite.
2. I don’t think it’s a very good site.  I went to it, to check it out.

However, I will answer the question, since there is an infinitesimally small chance that it was sent by a real person, who works for the bedwetting website, and who is honestly asking me, an expert on many things,* for my opinion.  In fact, I did wet the bed as a kid, so I have first hand knowledge of problems that former bed wetters have as adults.

Us former bed wetters get really sensitive about spam regarding our former bed wetting.  That’s probably the biggest problem we have.  The second biggest is that sometimes we still have dreams where we’re sitting on a toilet, peeing.  These were the dreams that really nailed us early in life.  We used to sleep right through them.

Other than that, I think I’m a pretty well adjusted individual.

I would like to have a conversation with the person in charge of sending out stupid spam questions at the bed wetting website.  I’d like to know if this kind of stunt works.  Who sees a comment in their spam folder and then thinks “You know, I should visit that site because they’re asking incredibly thoughtful questions.”  No one.  If you’re trying to get people to visit your bed wetting website, you don’t ask them what problems bed wetters have!  I could have written a dozen spam questions that would have drummed up more business.

1.  Tired of waking up in pools of your own urine?  Yeah.  You should be.  Why not take care of your pesky problem NOW.

2.  Scared stiff of sleepovers?  No one likes the idea of accidentally peeing on their boyfriend, we can help!

3.  Dreaming of toilets?  Flush that!

4.  Are you a bed wetter?  It’s probably because of a witch.  We know Wiccan.  We know the cure!

5.  It’s not your fault.  Nothing is your fault.  You’re perfect.  Except for when you’re covered in urine.

6.  Are diapers starting to chafe?  Get a life.

I know what you’re all thinking.  I have a future in advertisement.  I’ve thought about it.  I really have.  But, it wouldn’t be fair to all of those weak minded people who are drawn in by fantastic pitches.  I don’t want to interfere with the economy^.


* my tongue is in my cheek
^ I really don’t want to mess with the economy.


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