I Called Mitch….


Some of you have expressed skepticism regarding my previous post.
I would like to double confirm the truth of it, with one more juicy tid bit.

I called the anecdote line.
Mitch answered.
I asked for an anecdote.

He seemed only moderately flustered by the call.  I did not mention knowing Heather.
I asked for his best material.

Mitch started in on a story about staring out a window.  Judging by the convoluted blather-tale that followed, I came to two conclusions:
1.  Mitch does not understand the concept of a story arc.
2.  Mitch has a severe case of ADHD.

I completely understand why Heather did not want to pursue things with him.  I’ll never understand the whole – offering a stranger a foot rub bit – but I do relate to her finding Mitch boring.  It was like listening to mulch.  I thought the story might have potential, when four minutes in, he said, “And then, out the window…I saw it!”   But, I was wrong.  He saw a cloud.  Clouds don’t make good protagonists.  Unless, they have been sent by an evil wizard named Darken Rahl, but even then they’re not that scary.

I had to interrupt Mitch at the nine minute mark.  I’m a relatively busy person.  I don’t have time to listen to someone ramble on about their blossoming existential crisis.  I have goats to play with.

“Mitch,” I said, “I don’t think this is going to work.  I don’t sense a climax coming, and I have to be honest, I’m not particularly interested in clouds.”

Mitch tried to hold onto me.  He pulled out every used car salesman trick in the book.  I think I heard him growing a mustache through the phone.  His pleading was difficult to listen to.  I might have felt some empathy, had I not known that he was a dirt bag trying to get a friend of mine to pose nude for him.  (That she agreed is beside the point)  He wanted another chance to prove he could tell a good story.  I should have suggested he spice up his own life, to spice up his stories.

For someone looking for anecdotes to tell…I can think of no better person to spend time with than Heather.  He would’ve had stories (and glitter) coming out of his ears.


4 responses »

  1. “I don’t have time to listen to someone ramble on about their blossoming existential crisis. I have goats to play with.” Oh that is good. I’m using that now when I’m in boring conversations.

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