Case no. 003 – The Origin of Spam

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This case was opened by yours truly.

In previous posts, as you may remember, I took an interest in the process of internet spam.  Not junk mail in my email folder,  but junk mail left in the form of comments on my blog.  I get to say what comments are published in the end, so I can filter these things out, but where do they come from?  A Spam Big Bang?

My limited research has unearthed some interesting facts.  Spam email was named after Spam meat for its ubiquity and unavoidability.  (A Monty Python reference, I believe) Thirty seven percent of spam originates in Asia, twenty four in North America, and twenty three percent in Europe, which is where my search dragged me.  I decided that to learn the reasons behind spam comments like:
“I savor, result in exactly I found exactly what I was looking at.  You’ve ended my four day lengthy hung! God Bless you man.  Have a great door.  Bye.”  I would need to find the source.  What could this spammer possibly be getting from such a nonsensical message that I will delete without hesitation?I traced the origin of this comment to a German blogger.  I don’t speak German.  I scrolled to the bottom of this blog, which appeared to be a rant, with little to no punctuation, then I left my own comment:

“Hi, I was wondering why you were sending Spam mail to my blog.  Your comment butchered the English language, and the website that your comment links to, doesn’t exist.  I’m wondering, are you a machine?   It doesn’t matter to me if you are, I’d just like you to kindly quit spamming me.”

I hit ‘submit comment’ and discovered that my google Id was attached to the comment, with a little picture of me.  No one likes to compromise their identity when leaving snarky comments on a total stranger’s blog.  Bad form.  I thought it was best to discover the topic of the blog, so I could be prepared for the kind of comment I might receive in return. I don’t have any German speaking friends, that I know of, so I went to google translate.  An amazing google feature by the way…if you ever need to translate a foreign blog. To my horror, the content of this blog was both creepy and confusing.  Bad combo.   I have included text from this blog below, as well as my own commentary (in bold)…

Hello, I want you in this article Share this product How can you get a girlfriend. I Call it “die online method”. (Die online method?   Have I stumbled upon a Spam murderer?)  This is the best and easiest way to get a girlfriend.Ok, here it goes: How do I get a girlfriend – Step 1: First, we need U.S.’m On A Single Or sign up Best Like several pages. The more and dates all the more women all the more. (I’m lost and it’s only the first step.  All the more steps, all the more)  Even IF the percentage of men on these pages is true IS right bit high, you need not fear any COMPETITION.With you I die cavity methods describe in this article, will you point out yourself from the crowd AND YOUR COMPETITION reporting back to you now (Cavities make me want to keel over and die too.  Also, I don’t think my competition is going to report back to me..also, what competition are you referring to?)   A nun, you should be successful Have completed. IF dying declaration folded hat, Can you go over to a nun.  (Oh…the nun is my competition.   I think the saying is ‘throw in the towel’  not ‘fold the hat’. ) THEREFORE Are Women Unlimited fast. (Is this a question?  No, women are not unlimited.) Interesting scene for the first nice conversation piece, it evokes curiosity. WOMEN ARE very curious positively.  (I’m going to take that as a compliment…even though…I don’t think it is.).  You know that no depressive spells fun browsing “My heart was broken That now I’m on the search for true love” are using. Strong Women Want, positive-minded and open men have. (This is the first section that makes sense.  Strong women do want positive-minded and open men have.  Ok.  Maybe we should move on to step two.)  Step two:  A guide to identify a date.  (If you need a guide to identify your date, you should probably go back to step one)  You repeat this process and always pull massive land dates. (Dating ocean mammals is too complicated for this guy to address)   Women want men to lean on, men with strength, men with a high school status (Bah ha ha  Yes, we women do want men with high school status…preferably higher status than that), On the original way she write buffer solution for example. (I like the random insertion of  buffer solutions.  This guy must have taken Chemistry 100)  Most men write. Wow!, Great eyes, full of pretty, blah blah blah … (This is one of the most excellent compliments I’ve ever heard :”Great eyes, full of pretty.” It’s sweet)  “Your nose looks full of cute, so my little sister dying” (Even better!  Minus the little sister who is dying..that’s just creepy)

In summary, It appears that my spammer is a one man German dating blogger show.  His advice is terrible, as is his ability to write in the English language, and his motives are completely indiscernible.  I’m a little worried that a tiny picture of my head is attached to a  comment below this text..but so far, I have not been contacted, so, I fold my hat in the search for spamswers.

One other thing I learned about spam:  ” On July 25, 2005, Russian spammer Vardan Kushnir, who is believed to have spammed every single Russian internet user, was found dead in his Moscow apartment, having suffered numerous blunt-force blows to the head. It is believed that Kushnir’s murder was unrelated to his spamming activities.  ”

….But we’ll never know….

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3 responses »

  1. Having four years of Mt View German under my belt plus a little more college, i can tell you that “die” is the feminine article in German and thus most of the “die” references are best translated as “the” (you’d think Google would get that). but, i find the English definition of “die” much more amusing and thus suggest you stick with it. i love your blog!

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