Category Archives: Conspiracy

Case no. 001 – The Argyle Apparition

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Well folks, I have a real treat for you this morning.  A treat for me too.  Last night, I received an email from one of my readers.  We’ll call him Doug.  Doug asked for my help in solving a sock mystery of his own.  He wrote:

when I was leaving work and walking to my car, I noticed something very surprising and amazingly coincidental (see picture below.)  It’s a terrible picture, not unlike a grainy picture of bigfoot.  But what it is, is not the mystery.  The mystery is how it got there.  It is a lone blue argyle sock.  Pretty much the argyle sock of divine providence because I have no idea how it got there.  I was not transporting clothing in my car and I have no recollection of taking my socks off while driving.  I also have no recollection of it being there before today.  The sock does belong to me and it has clearly been worn.  Other than that, I can’t think of any other facts about the case.  I can certainly imagine how a sock might go unnoticed in the recesses of my car for months (possibly years.)  But to be so prominently seen in my rear window seems uncanny.  I feel like I have exhausted any logical explanation of how it got there.  Do what you will with this information.

Doug's sock

First, I would like to say thank you to Doug, for trusting Nathan and I with this mystery.  This morning, we woke early to solve it.  We decided to begin where the sock began.  In Doug’s sock drawer.  Next, the sock moved to Doug’s foot.  Theories 1 & 2 (seen below) assume that the sock was removed willing from the foot, and then transported, either by divine grace, or inanimate intelligence to the vehicle.   I don’t give these theories much credence.

Theory 3 assumes that Doug’s car is capable of extreme acceleration, which I think we can all agree, is not realistic, given the photograph provided.

Theory 4 is therefore the only theory, at this point, that I am willing to investigate further.

I will list our theories in order of ascending likelihood :

1.  Divine Providence.  I find it very doubtful that God would try to prove anything with a dirty argyle sock.  No one can know His ways, but I think I’m justified in putting this theory at the bottom of the list.

2.  Intelligent Sock.  Nathan pointed out that the argyle is not like other socks.  In yesterday’s post, I mentioned that I had figured out where socks go when they disappear.  I still can’t tell you, but what I can tell you, is that I never found any argyle socks hiding with the others. Argyle are the smartest of the socks.  They don’t hang out with jock socks when they disappear.  This leads me to believe that argyles might actually leave the house when they take off for a few months.

3.  Acceleration.  Doug accelerated so fast that he knocked one of his own socks off.

4.  Passenger Irritation.  Doug’s girlfriend, we’ll call her Bernice, found the dirty sock while rooting around for something behind her seat.  No one likes to accidentally stumble upon someone else’s dirty sock.  She threw the sock with all of her might, lodging it in the back corner of the rear window.

The missing link in theory 4 is how the argyle sock got from Doug’s foot to Bernice’s irritated fingers.  When you read what I’m about to write, you might think to yourself, “No way.  This would never happen.”  But, you would be wrong.  I have SEEN it happen.  I think that while Doug or Bernice (probably Doug) was getting dressed one morning, the dirty argyle sock was either statically clinging to his back, or tucked into his belt.  He didn’t notice it. When he walked to his car, the sock hung limp, just out of his view.  When he left his vehicle, the sock was released from its position on his back, and fell to the floor, where it waited, for an indeterminate period of time.

I’m not kidding.  I know someone who has experienced something just like this.  His name is Nathan.  Several years ago Nathan showed up to an 8 o’clock meeting at work with a tube sock hanging from the back of his belt like a tail. It happens.

As for why the sock was not seen until yesterday morning, well, we believe it is a case of expanded awareness.  Doug read the singleton sock post, and then became aware of all the singletons lurking around him.   This said, it is within the realm of possibility that Doug’s awareness is always expanded, and that he noticed the sock yesterday because yesterday was the first day that it was there.

In summary:

Doug puts on sock.  Doug takes sock off.  Sock sticks to Doug.  Doug goes to car.  Sock lets go of Doug.  Bernice finds sock.  Bernice grossed out by sock.  Bernice throws sock to back window.  Doug confounded by sock.  Mystery solved.

I would like to remind readers that I am always available to solve your mysteries.  Please feel free to email me anonymously at jennifer@maddashpublishing.com

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Moon Rabbit Eaten by Buzz Aldrin

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Today’s topic of conversation is the Moon Rabbit.  (And also, a how-to guide for starting your own conspiracy theory)

I’ve been watching episodes of Ancient Aliens recently.  So, I’ve got a pretty good idea of how deeply the truth regarding just about everything is buried.  Which leads me to my first tip about starting a conspiracy theory.  1.  Everyone is a liar.

Between 475BC to 221BC an anthology of Chinese poems, called Chu Ci mentioned the Moon Rabbit.  During the Tang Dynasty (618-907) Li Bai, another Chinese poet, refers to the Rabbit again, “The rabbit in the moon pounds the medicine….”

These Moon Rabbit references might seem merely poetic fancy at first glance, but the Japanese, Buddhists, Aztecs, and Native Americans all have similar ‘tales’ regarding this creature.  Which leads me to my second tip about conspiracy theories.  2. Make an accusation.

Why is the existence of this medicine-pounding-moon-creature kept secret by the government?  What are they hiding?   Something dangerous once lurked on the surface of the moon.  Did you know that the Moon Rabbit was mentioned in a conversation between Houston and Apollo 11 just before it landed?  It went like this:

Houston: Among the large headlines concerning Apollo this morning, there’s one asking that you watch for a lovely girl with a big rabbit. An ancient legend says a beautiful Chinese girl called Chang-O has been living there for 4000 years. It seems she was banished to the Moon because she stole the pill of immortality from her husband. You might also look for her companion, a large Chinese rabbit, who is easy to spot since he is always standing on his hind feet in the shade of a cinnamon tree. The name of the rabbit is not reported.

Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin:  Okay. We’ll keep a close eye out for the bunny girl.

You can verify the truth of this conversation in the Apollo 11 Technical Air-to-Ground Voice Transcription document here:

http://www.hq.nasa.gov/alsj/a11/a11transcript_tec.pdf#page=181

If this creature was indeed ‘legend’ it is highly unlikely that Aldrin would have been warned by Houston about its potential presence on the moon.  Isn’t it obvious that this was a poorly  executed, yet critically important message?  3. Make people feel stupid for thinking logically.  You would have to be a buffoon not to recognize that NASA was actually commanding Buzz to catch that Moon Rabbit, a deadly threat to humanity, skin it, and eat it.  It has been suggested by experts (4. Make up expert suggestions) that the crew of Apollo 11 was out of food.  Houston was killing two birds with one stone.  Feed the crew and eliminate the ancient threat of the medicine pounding hare.

5. Make a strong closing statement that links this theory to all others.

There is a reason you have never heard of this episode in history.  The government didn’t want you to.  What else are they hiding?