Ever heard a guy complaining about his lady friend? She wants him to do the laundry, make dinner, change the oil in her car, grocery shop. She’s a real drag. It’s true that some men shoulder more than their fair share…or is it?
Imagine if men had to build a house with their bare hands (no tools!) in order to attract a lady friend. Not only that, but when the wood got a little weathered, they had to tear their house down because no woman in her right mind would date a guy with an old house. That’s the life of a male Weaver bird. Homosapien men have it easy. There are women willing to date you even if you have poor coordination, poor vision, poor genetics, and atrocious taste in home decorating. Not so with the lady Weavers. They choose a mate based on his ability to weave thousands of grass blades into an intricate domicile, fit for child rearing.
Encyclopedia.com goes on to include a link to the Oxford Dictionary of Rhymes, which pointed out that ‘weaver’ rhymes with ‘cadaver, halva, balaclava, carver, Costa Brava, endeavour, never never, whosoever, semiquaver, achiever, reliever, and beaver.’ Which leads me to a non-sequator that I feel deserves one moment of our time. Who writes the entries for the Oxford Dictionary of Rhymes? I could do it better. I will be the first one to tell you that I appreciate a good ‘almost rhyme’ when used for lyrical flavor. Busta Rhymes says it best,
“You really need to check your criteria
Violating the world, annihilate your whole area.”
But come on Oxford. You’re telling me that weaver rhymes with semiquaver? If Busta Rhymes ain’t done it, it cain’t be done.
Back on topic. I found a pretty sweet video on weaver birds: Click this to watch the sweet video on weaver birds.
I almost fell out of my chair laughing while watching the above video. Don’t watch it expecting a laugh…I have a weird sense of humor. I’m not sure I can explain why I found it so amusing that some weaver birds are terrible at making nests – and so never get a lady, but I’ll try. I was cackling like count Dracula when I saw one of the younger male birds fall over backwards because he accidentally tied his security knot around his own foot. I was delighted. This is a species that will not accept anything but excellence. Lame weavers, lazy weavers…they’re selected out. No one will give them the time of day. You might be thinking that I’m cold hearted, but hear me out. We all know one schmuck who sits on the couch all day playing video games and mooching off of his girlfriend or guy friends right? And that’s fine for him I guess. But, somehow this guy convinces someone that he’s worth starting a family with.
I just can’t get behind this. Some might ask, “Where is the line?” Selecting out unfavorable traits gets touchy because people jump to genetic cleansing..but I’m talking about something different. What delights me about the Weaver bird is that mating is based on respect and ability. Lady weavers have high standards and they stick to them. They don’t settle for crappy workmanship. If the males don’t impress them, they don’t hang around. Lady weavers are like auditors. Really serious, professional auditors. They show up when called (the males flap their wings to attract an inspection), and then take a close look at the nest. Some weavers spend a few moments tearing apart shoddy work, but others just fly away, leaving the male determined to improve his techniques.
I’m not saying we as women should boycott all men who leave the toilet seat up, but we sure as hell should be boycotting abusers, liars, cheats, and a lot of the other selfish, self serving traits that some men have. And men…you should boycott women who are overall poor human beings too! Stop settling! Our lives are too short to waste on people who don’t value their own lives and the lives of the people around them.
All of this said…if I were a lady weaver, I would probably watch to see which of the males was trying really hard…and even if his nest wasn’t perfect, I’d give him a break. No one is perfect.